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How to build a better relationship with your doctor!


Who does not know it!

You’re back in the hospital. Finally your doctor comes and you can ask all the questions you have on your heart. Your doctor spends a lot of time with you. He answers you patiently every single question. At the end of the conversation all open topics are discussed.

All questions are answered but you do not feel good. Somehow the conversation was not fulfilling. The conversation climate wasn´t pleasant. There was no mutual familiarity. Why does this impression come to you? The doctor has tried everything!


What’s behind it?

Quite simply: familiarity!

We only connect genuine friendships with such people to whom we feel familiary. We would never get the idea that we would include someone in our circle of friends to whom we do not feel familiar. In my opinion this is totally logical.

Familiarity is needed in every conversation. A pleasant conversation climate can only be created if there is mutual familiarity.

In everyday life many people think that contact is self-produced. Each other is just simply sympathetic. However good interpersonal relationships do not simply arise or fall from heaven! Even if it is not noticeable to most, both parties are very active. Only for the most part they are not aware of this!


How does an interpersonal relationship arise?

Have you ever noticed that you are hovering on a wave with people who adore the same club? The same love of the colors of the association instantly connects. Immediately you will find a conversation theme. Analyze the last game and the current placement in the table. Exchanging news about injured or returned players. Simply said, you understand each other.

My favorite example is smoking. Meanwhile there is no more smoking in most restaurants. Therefore smokers must go outside. Even if you go as a “lonely” smoker outside, you will get quite fast in a conversation with another smoker. Because – you have already guessed it – familiarity exists! “The guy is also pulling on his cigarette! Sympathetic! “It also adds to the fact that the other on is always making the same movement: cigarette to the mouth – inhale – cigarette away from the mouth.

Why do we “like” these strangers? Simply because they tick as much as we do.


How do you get familiarity?

There are two possibilities. You can use this “tapping together” nonverbally or verbally. You can make both things quite easy.

  • Nonverbal
    This goes beyond the body, similar movements, gestures or facial expressions.
    Do you know someone who is always talking with hands and feet? Someone who has to “paint” everything with gestures! Surely you know someone who sits quietly while talking and makes no gestures.
    Do you think these two guys would understand each other straight away? Rather not. They are simply too controversial.


  • Verbal
    You can easily align yourself with another person if you use his keywords or the same voice.
    Have you ever experienced a man who almost falls asleep when talking? Do you think this person will be able to align to someone who is a speedtalker?
    The Slowtalker will not be able to get comfortable with the Speedtalker because this is too stressful. On the other hand the Speedtalker becomes impatient at the Slowtalkers “speed”.
    You will not be able to build up any familiarity!


How do you solve this topic?

Let’s go back to our doctor’s talk, how can you use the information now?

With this information you are now able to lead the conversation with your doctor to more familiarity. Be surprised how easily this will work.

Here are some tips for everyday life:



Body posture:

Try to take the same body position as your opponent. If your opponent’s legs are wide-legged, you also stand your legs apart. If he folds his arms in front of his belly, you do the same. You try to mirror your opponent. Probably you are currently doing this automatically. Pay attention.

Please do not do it stupided and just copy! Not that you can only pay attention to the body of the other person and not to pursue the conversation. You’ll see with a little practice the whole thing is automated and you no longer need to think about it.


Facial expressions and gesturing:

Familiarity about mimicry is quite simple. If your conversation partner smile, you smile. When he starts laughing, you laugh. You will notice how your conversation partner feels comfortable.
Imagine the opposite! What do you think  how it feels when he laughs and you make a serious face? Sounds plausible, doesn´t it?

In the case of the gesture, please make sure that you do not imitate the movement immediately. Best time offset! If your doctor points to a form in front of you, you can also point to the form the next time you are at the word.





Language, voice and pitch

People who communicate in the same language understand each other! Sounds perfectly logical. An Indian and I could not talk in our mother tongue. We have to adapt to each other and communicate in English.
You can easily install this trick into your everyday life. At the next doctor’s talk, try to include a few of his frequently used words in your sentences. Please only words you really understand!

The voice is the easiest thing to do. If your doctor speaks quickly, then you do it too. If he has a slow pace in his voice, you do it too.

If you have a doctor who speaks very quietly, you should also do. In a more impulsive and louder copy, you can calmly adjust. With a small restriction – shouting should be avoided rather. Unless your doctor hears badly!


Have fun with the next doctor’s talk!


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